I’ve often read the story of the Israelites wandering in the wilderness and thought, How could they be so dumb?
Seriously.
These people hated their lives in Egypt. They were oppressed, enslaved, and living in bondage under Pharaoh. Their lives weren’t their own. From the time they woke up until the time they laid their heads down at night, someone else had control over them.
They cried out to God.
And God heard them.
He delivered them.
He protected them through the plagues.
He parted the Red Sea and led them through on dry ground, with walls of water on either side. And when the Egyptians pursued them, the waters came crashing back down, destroying the army that had threatened them.
He led them out of the very bondage they had begged Him to rescue them from.
And yet, it didn’t take long before they started complaining.
One thing that really stands out to me about the Israelites is how quickly their gratitude disappeared when their immediate wants weren’t being met, even though God continued to provide for their needs.
As long as they were comfortable, they were content. But the moment they became hungry, thirsty, afraid, or uncertain about what was coming next, they began questioning God.
The same God who had just delivered them from slavery.
They even reached a point where they wished they had died in Egypt!
In Exodus 16:3, they complained to Moses that back in Egypt they had sat around pots of meat and eaten all the food they wanted.
Wait a minute.
Weren’t these the same people who had been crying out to God to rescue them?
Now suddenly they’re reminiscing about dinner?
They remembered the food but forgot the chains.
They remembered the comforts of Egypt while conveniently forgetting the bondage that came with them.
And I think that’s what fascinates me most about their story.
They were caught between two lives.
One was a life of bondage, where they depended on Pharaoh and the Egyptians. It was oppressive, but it was familiar. They knew what was expected of them. They knew what tomorrow would look like, even if tomorrow was miserable.
The other was a life of freedom, where they would have to depend entirely on God.
And as strange as it sounds, they often seemed to prefer the bondage they knew over the freedom they didn’t understand.
They couldn’t see past their immediate circumstances long enough to trust the God who had already proven Himself faithful.
They wanted freedom, but they wanted it on their own terms.
They wanted deliverance, but they didn’t want the uncertainty that came with it.
They wanted God to lead them, but they didn’t always like where He was taking them.
And ultimately, when they refused to trust Him enough to enter the land He had promised them, their journey became a forty-year wandering in the wilderness.
Forty years.
Deuteronomy 1:2 tells us that one part of their journey, from Horeb to Kadesh Barnea, was only eleven days.
Yet they spent forty years wandering.
Not because God didn’t know the way.
But because they struggled to trust the One who was leading them.
And that brings me to another story in Scripture.
Lot’s wife.
She and her family were being rescued from the destruction of Sodom. The angels had taken them by the hand and led them out of the city.
They were given a very clear instruction.
Flee for your lives! Don’t look back!
But what did Lot’s wife do?
She looked back.
And she became a pillar of salt.
The one thing she was told not to do was the very thing she did.
I’ve often wondered what made her turn around.
Was it her home? The memories she had made there? The possessions she was leaving behind? Was she struggling to let go of the only life she had known?
Scripture doesn’t tell us.
But something made her look back when God was calling her forward.
And isn’t that just like us sometimes?
We read these stories and think, How could the Israelites be so dumb? How could Lot’s wife possibly look back?
But before I get too critical, I have to ask myself a question.
Aren’t we doing the very same thing?
As women, we accept this new life in Jesus. A life filled with freedom, love, forgiveness, and grace.
We celebrate being set free.
But how often do we find ourselves longing for the comforts of our old slavery?
We return to old habits, old patterns, old ways of thinking, and sometimes even old situations that God has been calling us to leave behind.
Not necessarily because they were good for us.
But because they were familiar.
Because at least we knew what to expect.
And sometimes, if we’re being truthful, we’d rather live with the discomfort we know than trust God with a future we can’t see.
We pray for deliverance, but when God begins to move, we question whether His plan is really what’s best for us.
We look back.
We grumble.
We complain.
We want answers. We want explanations. We want to know where He’s taking us and how everything is going to work out.
And when His plans don’t make sense to us, we start looking for our own way.
Because surrender is hard.
It requires us to let go of control. To trust God when we don’t understand what He’s doing. To believe that what He has ahead of us is worth leaving behind what we’ve grown accustomed to.
We want the freedom God offers, but we struggle to surrender the control that freedom requires.
And I wonder how many of our own journeys have become longer than they needed to be simply because we refused to trust Him enough to keep moving forward.
How many times have we asked God to lead us while insisting on choosing the route?
How many times have we looked back at what was familiar instead of trusting Him with what could be?
And how many times have we blamed God for keeping us in a wilderness when we’ve been the ones refusing to surrender?
Maybe the question isn’t why God hasn’t moved us forward.
Maybe the question is what we’re still holding on to that’s keeping us from following Him.
We spend so much time asking God to deliver us from our circumstances, but how often do we ask Him to deliver us from our need to control them?
Surrender isn’t something we do once and never struggle with again.
It’s something we have to choose daily.
A daily surrender of our hearts to the Lord. His heart. His will. His ways. Even when we don’t understand them.
And there are a couple of things I think we need to remember.
God remained faithful to the Israelites even during their wandering. He continued to provide for them, even when they grumbled, complained, and struggled to trust Him.
Their stubbornness didn’t change His faithfulness.
And I find so much comfort in that.
Because I know there will be days when I struggle to surrender. Days when I question what God is doing. Days when I want to take control or look back at what was familiar.
But His faithfulness isn’t dependent on my ability to get everything right.
And then there are three little words Jesus spoke in Luke 17:32 that I think we would all be wise to remember.
“Remember Lot’s wife.”
Three words.
A reminder that looking back can keep us from moving forward.
So maybe today we need to ask ourselves what we’re still holding on to. What are we afraid to leave behind? Where are we insisting on our own way instead of trusting His?
Because surrender isn’t about having all the answers.
It’s about trusting the One who does.
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